Attempting to come up with a topic that expertly combines my love of Star Wars and excitement for foster care has never been easier than it was this month. Sure, it has been four months since we became licensed foster parents and we are still waiting for word on a placement, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a few things to celebrate. For example, May is National Foster Care Month and that means I’ve been spending extra time trying to share some of the reasons that I decided to foster and help others find information on how they can help out too. I was also privileged enough to take part in the First Lady of Utah’s (Abby Cox) Show Up initiative that helped to celebrate foster families. Amid all of that, I also had a blast celebrating Star Wars Day on May the Fourth this year and was even able to attend a nerdy exhibit at the Urban Arts Gallery in Salt Lake City. My husband and I also celebrated five years together with some frozen yogurt. The only thing that could make this month better would be if we got a call in May about a placement, effectively cementing these celebrations together forever. But while I wait for that phone call, there was another celebration this past weekend that I thought was pertinent to talk about, and that’s Mother’s Day. My husband and I had a lovely weekend celebrating the women in our life, first at my hometown in Idaho and then at his in Wyoming. By the time we got back home to Utah I was practically buzzing from the exhaustion, wonderful food, and hours of driving that kept us going for three days straight. I know I’ve used this imagery before, but that scene on Endor with the Ewoks at the end of “Return of the Jedi” had nothing on the laughs and good times we spent with our own families. And Star Wars is full of strong mother figures, from Padme to Leia, Shmee Sywalker, and even Lyra Erso who gave her life to keep her daughter safe. I think Star Wars was the first place that I witnessed strong women on screen, so I owe it to the franchise for instilling in me a feminist attitude. But what does this have to do with foster care? Well, I think the stigma around fostering doesn’t account for all the good mothers out there who work through their problems in the system. As well as the mothers who step up and take charge of someone else’s children while the child’s biological parents heal and make amends. So, shout out to all the foster moms and bio moms, the temporary homes and the forever homes, that open their hearts to make a child’s world a little safer. While I’m at it, I need to thank my own mom and my mother-in-law for how far they’ve each come in their journey towards unconditional love. My mother-in-law has been dealing with the grief of losing her husband this past month and I have felt honored to be able to be around her home during this difficult time. Meanwhile, my own mother (And the rest of my family) has been spending as much time as possible with my grandmother, whose health has been declining over the last year. Seeing these wonderful ladies masterfully navigate through such delicate situations has given me a new level of respect for all that they do, especially now as dealing with grieving parents will become a big part of my life no matter the age or gender of our first placement. As I’m writing this, the day after Mother’s Day, I have to recount something that happened yesterday. See, my husband has a family of similar size to my own, but we grew up in very different households. As my husband and I were leaving, his mother gave us each a hug. His sister-in-law also gave us each a hug. Then, his brother gave us each a hug, too. Many people in my husband’s family are two-armed huggers. My family is not. When I hug people, it’s usually just with one arm. I even have a hard time being affectionate with my own husband, yet there have been numerous occasions where I’m able to be intimate with complete strangers. The hugs from the women didn’t faze me. But yesterday I realized how weird it was to be touched lovingly by a straight man. I don’t have male friends or role models and most of my encounters with men have been sexual or toxic. No in-between, sometimes both. But my brother-in-law hugging me, despite the years of me feeling like I would never be invited to be a part of their world, showed me the miles that I’ve traveled to get to this point in time, as well as the other universes I’ve missed out on where this type of connection could be normalized. Being hugged by strangers makes you feel like a porglet snuggled by its porg parents. It’s simply heart-warming. (See the picture at the top of this post for an example.) Then it dawned on me, the men in this household, like my husband, were raised by a kind and caring mother that taught them to normalize affection. Their ability to be in tune with their emotions is like a jedi mind trick in this patriarchal world. If this family who is so different from me can cross barriers to celebrate together, then so can I with the bio parents of my future child. Being gay, Mother’s Day has become increasingly distant to me. I guess I don’t know if Father’s Day is going to have twice the amount of celebration of if my husband and I will just split the days, but I do know that the women in my life have helped me become the man I am today. I hope I can repay the favor for another child soon. -Erick L. Graham Wood [email protected]
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Erick L. Graham WoodHello there! Archives
June 2023
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